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nO nEEd tO brEAthE...just let me hold your breath. [entries|friends|calendar]
it's only because you don't need me at all

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August 12th, 2005 at 12:57am]
[ mood | blank ]

mmmmmmmmm three more dayz till skool.

i am rather terrified.

i kno i hav no bravery. i just want ways to cope with the evils of skool but all i ever do is TALK about the evils of it. iz that helping??? NO> if it helped to talk, i'd b cured by now.
all this pointlessness.
i guess we'll see wut happens on monday.

*PLEASE let me do okay.* to whoever..someone like me would pray too.

on the brightside..for i must look for one..
I DOOOO HAVE A CLASS WITH MY PENAKA. haha. itz been a while since i've entitled him as such.
but i do. itz going to b wonderful :)
and then i hav hip hop w/ cate and stine. so itz all good.
just the other four classes r wut i'm worried about. o well.
wut to do??
nobody knows!

(6) so long and goodnight so long and goodnight

August 5th, 2005 at 3:31pm]
[ mood | bored ]

one week till skool starts.

FUCK!!! iz wut i hav to sya to that.
but..letz not think about dying more than we must.

i see my BOO tonite at SIX. she will spend the nite at me casa.or perhaps my fajaz i should say. :)
twill b grand to catch up and hav mad sexxx all ova the place.

oooo it just thundered all UP in my ahnoos.

i passed my permit test in driverz ed! it wuz EZ as pee-can pie. hahha YES. like every1 passed. but not EVERYONE passed w/ 100z..haha. just me and cate that i kkno of.

tomorrow is meganz partee. i am VERY excited. haha. i'm so cool. but itz the most excitement i've had in quite some time.
i am done w/ this.

but first..a song.

nothing left to say!
itz a rainy day!
i'm hungry for a..lay!!
GOd.....you're...GAY!! GAY-Y that IS!!!!
duz any1 remember that heinously stupid insult??? i do....frum elementary skoo.
now seriously.

(8) so long and goodnight so long and goodnight

ummmm pay ur respects. [Monday
August 1st, 2005 at 1:41am]
[ mood | chipper ]


today is the day of DREWZ BDAY!!!!!!!!!!!

he is seventeen..and almost legal. for his naughty activities that he duz regardless of his age. ;)
ummmmmm so wish him a happy birrrrtay. haha had to say it. :)

and now a song.

"Ring around the rosie.
Pocket full of posie.
Ashes. Ashes.
We all fall down."

HHAHA u weren't expecting that..were u?? unconvention rocks.
and now..another song.

"I would like a dime.
that is top of the line.
cute face. slim waste..and a large BEEHIND." (in non ghetto accent)

i am mad and off the subject tho.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY POOBIS WEED OF GREAT COVETEDNESS AND REDEMPTION!! u rock my life in so many ways. u make me go foofoo for so many days. i am tired..and hav eaten no lays.

the end of me.
i says.

it rhymes.

goodnite all.

(4) so long and goodnight so long and goodnight

hello world. [Thursday
July 28th, 2005 at 12:22am]
last nite me and cate stayed up till five in the morning. drew wuz there too :) he snuck out and we all had crazee threesomes all nite.
but really..we talked the whole time and had loads and toads of fun. tehe! so dangerous too..haha. drew sneaking in and all. no..not really, but it wuz still crazee foon neways.

otherwise..i'm sad summerz ending. itz POOP. :( i'd rather b on summer vacation for ever and ever and ever. tho honestly i would like skool if it didn't kill me so much. i am rather effed up about it as it seems by my psychologist. but i will not speak of such things.

i'm excited for meganz party. haha. itz been forever since i've been to..anything. so yes :)but now i'm tired and my mom thinks i'm just too tired to b happy so maybe that is the root of my problems.
the end.
(2) so long and goodnight so long and goodnight

July 25th, 2005 at 12:13am]
[ mood | confused ]

we have three more weeks of summer.
and that honestly terrifies me bc i don't kno how i'm going ot handle being bak at skool. last year wuz bad enuff..will this year b better? i guess i won't kno until i try.

i went to get more moviez w/ maja tonite..we ended up getting this musical whihc is pretty stupid..but o well..itz called the pajama game. i thot it wuz this other movie i had heard wuz cute. damn that.

i talkd w/ mi madre for a while tonite about all the things i'm scared about. i am a pretty OCD/crazee biatch! i just have SO many fears. and wen i think of one of them, it will just snowball down into this terrible downward spiraling thing that usually ends up at the worst case scenario.
i hate it.
so much.

i don't kno why i think such weird things. but they're alwaysa bout death or being kept away frum wut i feel like i need to do and all the things i havn't done which need to be done. i need time for it all. i'm SO overdramatic :) YES>

in other news...i wish i were braver. i don't kno wut mite give me sum confidence and bravery and excitement and hope. w/e. i guess i hav to find it in myself. eff that.

the end.

(2) so long and goodnight so long and goodnight

mmmm [Friday
July 22nd, 2005 at 1:19am]
[ mood | calm ]

hello land.

today wuz BOREDOM. bored bored bored. but at least i cleaned a lil. the only productive thing i do is earn my allownace..o but maja and i rented SEX AND THE CITY ..i watched five episodes i think. yeah. awesome.
other than this..i did NADA. except see a thousand cockroaches which scared the shiz out of me.
i hate damned roaches.
other than this...so bored. but tomorrow i may see cate :) which will be grand. and then sat..i may see drew? perhaps it is so.
i am so uninteresting rite now.
i am sry!!!
hmmm? i wrote a poem last nite..a baby short one. but..i use it as an away message so need to post it.

(1) so long and goodnight so long and goodnight

July 19th, 2005 at 9:54pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

we painted catez room today. :)
it wuz AWESOME. at first i wuzn't sure a blak room would look that good..but honestly it looks INCREDIBLe and itz gonna look even awesomeer once she puts up the drawings . itz going to b TOTALLY nightmare before christmas KICK ASS wondrousness. i'm excited for this. neways...other than this...cate is spending the nite tonite..i'm just waiting for her to come over.
i luv her new house. itz really nice..and her room is pimp. haha. and itz grand. CONGRATS TO HER!!

other than this...nothing is going on. :) just happy ot hav cate come over and not b so lonely and bored.

the end.

I LOVE MCR. ...and gerard ;)

o and i went to my psychologist and it wuz established that i hav no anxiety problem in my mind..but rather a breathing problem. i take really shallow breaths i guess and wen i'm not thinking about breathing i do it not enuff..so i just need to meditate and shit and take deep breaths. so...we'll see if htatz tru.
i hope it is.

(2) so long and goodnight so long and goodnight

July 18th, 2005 at 10:32am]
[ mood | crappy ]

i just had threee of some of the worst dreams i hav ever had in my life.
grand. they were horrible and terrifying and awful..each and every one of them. thank god i woke u. bu now i just feel like POO. and i'm scared and i don't feel very well.
there is a police standing in front of my house.
i think he's about to knock on my door. o wait. he did not. thank god. wut is going ON?
o wait...they're frum ANIMAL CONTROL SREVICES!! omgsh. they better not have taken ANY OC MY KITTIES!!
i will die.
other than this..i still feel scared frum all of my dreams
and i still feel sad frum last nite. when i wuz sad for no reason. it wuz great.
and i still feel like poonanni for no reason and many reasons. YES. wonderful.

(2) so long and goodnight so long and goodnight

why on EARTH?? [Sunday
July 17th, 2005 at 10:00pm]
[ mood | blah ]

can't there be a real men that r like gerard way.

y can there not be real ppl..near my age...that are like gerard way in some fashion. i swear.
if i could meet someone..like him..i would be so happy. o yeah..and he'd have to like me too. i guess that's the stretch.
o well.
i can dream, can't i?
cate tells me as soon as u stop looking for love, it comes to u. i need to STOP looking for it.
and then BAM. love.
@ least cate and i share the passion of hte christ. and by christ i mean gerard way.
foof. wut good is a person if he is a jabillion yearz older and not even...SINGLE...or completely straight for that matter..or..attainable. haha. i'm great. at least i hav the music videos...which i am going to burn for u CATE! :)
until then...there must be someone that is emotional, smart, funny, passionate, talented, deep, amazing bla bla bla..that is NOT gerard way.
i'm SO good at them.

(4) so long and goodnight so long and goodnight

July 14th, 2005 at 3:21pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

itz raining..itz pouring!!
rain is my best friend. i just hope it never ends. tho it will. damned too short thunderstorms.

i will now....go snuggle up and read a book. while eating butter toffee peanuts..o god. yes. wut a great day. of boredom..but still goodness.
but..boo is TOMORROW!
and cate adn drew..ON SATURDAY!! life shall b better soon.

(3) so long and goodnight so long and goodnight

July 13th, 2005 at 1:03pm]
[ mood | bored ]

i am bak in houston.
and it is boring. esp. bc...cate is still in california...drew is in las vegas..boo is in summer skool AND i've been having poonanni doctorz apptz..and a psycho appt. today..FOOF!
i am bored . i hav yet to unpack tho..and i may walk to the pool today.
WOOHOOO!! so exxxciting. tehe. neways...i'll prob just walk to the pool today around three...i guessssss but now i just feel like being a lazee ass.

in other news...drewz braja is getting married tomorrow!! so thatz exxxciting. they seem to make a cute couple so congratulations to them! and drewba is going to b w/ them for his bachelor party..so congrats to drew for gettin sum STRIPPER ACTION..haha..yay. i'm sure there will be pictures.

but now...i'm too boring to talk.

(7) so long and goodnight so long and goodnight

yeah ummm [Monday
July 11th, 2005 at 3:14pm]
[ mood | ditzy ]


yes..it is thirty two B...but itz still good. and YES it may seem smaller than a thirty four A but w/e ! my actual booblas ARE GROWING.
it cannot be denied. and i hope they grow till the moon becomes the sun..as one or two woule say.

today wuz good. the dayz in cali are always good it seems.
i come bak tomorrow. late at nite. thatz hell. eff that in the heineken.

i come bak tho and i'm happy to see cate/boo..and in ten yearz..DREWELEANOR!

but now..i am tired.
i wishno more pieces of u.

(9) so long and goodnight so long and goodnight

July 10th, 2005 at 1:56pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

CATE: i am so sry i hav missed ur calls and not been able to call u BAK!!
i asked my aunt..and laguna is actually like...two hours of driving so..my aunt duzn't really want to drive way out there..so i may not come :( tis of much sadness.
but i KNOW
that i will see u as soon as u cum bak..so no WORRIES! hav fun the rest of ur time here in this amazing place.

today wuz grand. we went shopping..like ALL DAY..and..i got like...five things. HAHA. forever twenty-one just completely changed their style and i honestly don't like it nemore..tho i did find like..three? four? things there. o well. i come not only to shop. i'm just enjoying the incredible weather and going wherever my maja and aunt want to take me. everyday is an adventure!!!

i miss everyone at home tho. but i'll b bak soon enuff. i luv it here. i luv this house and the pool and EVERYTHING!! i luv it. i've been reading alot..and writing a little..and swimming and just going alot of places.
maja got sunburned today because she jumped in the pool in her panties . it wuz grand. then we saw this REALLY hot guy at a gas station. i wished his pieces. YUM ON THAT!! me and maja were talking about him really loudly and didn't realize the sun roof wuz open.
it wuz good. i smiled at him wen we left and that biatch smiled bak.
o hells yeah.

other than that..LOTS OF THINGS!! but too tired to tell. i walked in on two diff. ppl today at forever twenty one cuz i couoldn't remember where my stall wuz. it wuz GREAT. and then i heard them say..she just walked into ur stall?? yeah. she just did that in mine too.
wonderful. i felt insane.
and now..i am going to go watch a movie again.
tomorrow..melrose? biking near the beach? ..shopping??? a movie? swimming? i will partake of it ALL. hopefully :) luv it here. but miss my babushka. aka penaka? o hella ya.

andnow i'm gone.

(11) so long and goodnight so long and goodnight

July 9th, 2005 at 12:57pm]
[ mood | content ]

hello life.
I AM IN CALIFORNIA!! and it is trulee very beautiful. i am in love with this world of grandness. but NEWAY...ummmmm the weather is like paradise. and i've done so much crazee funness!!
i wuz dancing on the sidewalk in VEntura in front of this store and i got raped.
by raped i mean some guyz driving by shouted . at me. like this.
it wuz HILARIOUS. it wuz a great confidence booster. not.
wut we do here is...shop...walk..eat..swim...be lazy...itz beautiful.
my aunt has this lovely pool that i intend to use tomorrow!! itz grand.
tomorrow i shall do sum serious mall shopping and go see a movie maybe...and SUN i may go to laguna beach to visit CATE! if she will giv me details about where she b and how to get there and the like or a NUMBER i can cal :)
i love california. itz SO beautiful. i wonder how ne1 could ever be sad here.
well i guess they could be. but itz really pretty and makes u feel all light inside.
but i MISS my PENAKA. and i MISS my CATEAKA!! haha. that looks funny.
hopefully i will see cate for i YEARN to speak w/ her! itz been ages since one of our forever talks. i'm sure we hav much to catch up about.
i realize that i could never live w/o my penaka. haha. i miss talking to that bia and all of that shiznite. itz madness bc itz been like..two days? i just take it for granted that i can always see him.
i am thankful for his furry fanboys. HAHA! jk.

wellll now i intend to watch a movie perhaps..the manchurian candidate? and eat pizza? perhaps. and then bed bc i'm exxxcited for it to be tomorrow but REALLY exxxcited for it to be sunday.

i luv u all.
b bak sooooon

(11) so long and goodnight so long and goodnight

itz earlee in the morning for moi. [Tuesday
July 5th, 2005 at 10:57am]
[ mood | my feet itch. ]

haha. today mite be a day for boredom. poop on that.
ummmmmmmmmmmmmm the one thing i DEFINITELY need to do today is CLEAN so i can make twenty five dollars...which will go straight to my mother bc i spent almost one hundred dollarz at marshallz yesterday. the money just went really fast.
o well..i still have three hundred and seventy dollars..i think..for my trip to cali..somewhere around there i'm sure. so i'm reallly exxxcited. i'm leaving for california on THURSDAY!! which is actually really soon. so life is good as of now :)

i talked to cate last nite for like an hour and a half! it wuz joyful bc i havn't talked to her in forever. AND i MIGHT be able to visit her while i'm in cali bc laguna isn't really that far after all..i think. so i need to ask me madre about that.

lasterday wuz the fourth of july but it didn't seem like it..i slept thru the parade and decided not to go see the fireworks. o well--it wuz still heaps of fun. my paja had a partee at his apartment and it wuz really nice. it wuz..me..k and b..miko and drew. we swam and played ten fingers and ATE!! it wuz all quite marvelous.

welll now it is time for me to go...do something other than this.

(9) so long and goodnight so long and goodnight

pic [Sunday
July 3rd, 2005 at 6:30pm]

oNcE uPoN a TiMe...Collapse )

(4) so long and goodnight so long and goodnight

y is life so boring? [Thursday
June 30th, 2005 at 4:51pm]
[ mood | gloomy ]

rite now i am bored rite off my little buttcake.

last nite wuz fun for drewella came over and we played..DICTIONARY..the best mofoing game in the whole world w/ steve and mi madre.
who would have known steve could actually be really fun?

esp since for one word he made up this definition: the love call of a stuttering Moscovite..
and also..
paddle used to flagellate nuns..
goat with a case of the blues.

so it wuz good ol family fun. :) i do love life sometimes but also question itz value?

i wish i knew the meaning of life. i mite be hapy. or no! i wish i knew wut wuz going to happen to me in the future just to kno if i should stay awake for it.
willl my life have a happy ending??
sry i'm dramatic. i just get so confused tho and i honestly can't put it into words..at ALL.
o well. i'm not allowed to be sad. or mad. which i'm not. so..i guess itz all good in this hood.
i suppose i'll just live for tomorrow just to see if it's going to be better.

(8) so long and goodnight so long and goodnight

welllll my computer is dead [Tuesday
June 28th, 2005 at 5:17pm]
[ mood | content ]

hello bastrads.

my computer is DEAD..or..just..in a coma or something. so..itz serious, but it's hopefully just temporary because i would DIE DIE DIE if it never comes bak bc i have poems and jabillions of im conversations and things that r just REALLY important to me that i would just feel so empty w/o. so..it kinda sucks major teton mountains.

i'm updating at k and b's house which is wondrous. life is uneventful tho my bday just passed which was INCREDIBLe. but ihav thank u notes to write which is the bitter aftertaste of birthdays. tehe.

BOO: i missed the bastard out of u on friday nite!!! we should FA SHIZZLE go out for din din!!!! it'd b delovely..wut works for u this week?? howz about..thurs. nite? how would that be??? i cannot wait to see u!!! i do so wish pieces of u very sooooooon. netime this week would be great!

ummmm other news? cate is off in cali having the time of her life i'm SURE. so thatz wonderful. i bet she's going to have HELLA FUN.

my days consist of waking up..eating breakfast and watching TV and doing CHORES and taking long baths while writing in my journal and reading and thinking. the good thing is i havn't been sad in a while! :) so thatz grand.

too bored to be sad and nothing is happening so PLUH!

my birthday pictures come soon.
hella ya.
o. and war of the worlds comes out. so i'm hella xxxcited.

O! drewpajooja: frikkin finish the poem u were gonna giv me for my bday! plz? i just want a prettyful memmory for me boxxx. yes indeed. i will seize ur pieces in a fortnight.

smells like frikkin delishkamoo up in this hizzouse.

(8) so long and goodnight so long and goodnight

thoughts that need to be unfinished. [Monday
June 20th, 2005 at 12:03am]
[ mood | completely... ]

here is my thot for the nite.

life sux.
deal with it. in any way that you decide too.
also..i am a bitch. i admit it. i have no right to be one and probably no REAL reason to be sad.
i just am probably going insane.

and now for sum unfinished thots

i wish i could...
i hate it when...
it drives me crazy to see...
i cry for..
sometimes i want too...
i need...to make me...
i wish someone would...so i could..
there's nothing i can do about...
i don't kno what's..
there is something the matter with...
i don't know why i'm such...
Will there ever be an end to...?
Did you know that no one has ever...?
I dont think that anyone will ever...
i think i'm just about...has ever seen.
I think i might be going..
i always wonder if...
i don't think i really have a real reason to be..
i hate it when...and my mother doesn't notice.
i wish i had someone else's..so maybe finding..wouldn't be so..
i don't understand what is with all the...on livejournal
Next year will ...be so...forget..leave me alone.
I think that my...probably..forever.
there is so much..don't..you wish you did.
you think i've never been..but you're wrong.
i honestly cannot stand looking..
i won't ever..because..too strong.
i'm waiting for the day when i will..and then i can be..
There is nothing i want more than...
I think that this whole..is really...
it's not funny when people...about...
i think i keep everything ...inside...explode.
i'm so..that i can't..driving me INSANE.
i wish..i..could..fill..in..all..the..blanks...

at least you know for SURE that...

i'm going to be JUST...


(8) so long and goodnight so long and goodnight

i have a headache! [Tuesday
June 14th, 2005 at 11:02pm]
[ mood | blah ]

hello beeshes.

today wuz lots of fun! but i'm too tired to type it up..so i shall let u read of it on drewz lj. my brain really hurts rite now cuz i'm just so damned tired.

cate is not going to cali for a month..which is LOVELY :) and she will b here for my bday which is also very very awesome. in other news..i dont' think i'm going to go to colorado w/ my faja and karen. I just don't think i'd have that much fun and i'd prob get homesick seeing as i am such a homebody unless i'm going somewhere I really want to go...with my maja..i feel bad about not spending time w/ paja and karen. i really do. i'm not sure if i made the right decision or not. i wuz so very indecisive tho whihc prob means i didn't really want to go. i hope i'm not missing out. damn. i'm SO INDECISIVE. :)

i decided i'd try hip hop out after all. i figure i can always drop out if need be. but i kno i'd never tryo ut again if i just stayed in belles..not like they'd accept me a second time. so..i think i made the rite decision there. at least i'll hav one class w/ cate for SURE.

summer is grand so far. lots of hanging out mainly w/ drew and cate whihc i love. we can talk about almost everything in the whole wide world. i love it. no one feels like the third wheel either. :) so itz really nice. i really could not ask for much more rite now :)

but sleep would be nice. cuz my head hurts.

nite darlings ~*~

words i hav decided to live by : LIVE IN THE MOMENT! don't worry about the future.
o and don't think so much either. about nething :)


(11) so long and goodnight so long and goodnight

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